We all have those years where we learn enough about ourselves that in the end of the year we look back, we pause, we smile or cry but more importantly we realize what our life was meant for. These times make us wonder how tough we are, how much we can make it through and in the end what we are truly made of. These moments can be fleeting and often we don’t even pause to think about them. Yet somewhere in the end, we often learn more then we bargained for.
Would I change the way that year went? No, of course not, there was far too much good that came from it. Would I change the fact that I got my heart broken? Some days I would gladly say yes, and yet others, well there are others I’d tell you that I didn’t need to change it even if I could. If I was given the chance to go back and change it all, there is so little that I would change and yet at the same time, a few stand out things would be changed. I’d tell him that I loved him, that I truly did care, rather than quietly standing by watching it all unwind around me. All the same, there’s so much about the year of the psycho that I wouldn’t change. I hope along the way, you laugh with me, you cry with me, you learn to love the me that is true and at times you hate the same girl. More than anything though, I hope that you see that maybe just maybe, you aren’t alone in what you’re going through.
Of course the names have been changed to protect the perhaps not so innocent at times but the details that follow are as I remember them, and perhaps a little fuzzy at times. So come with me, if you’re ready, flip the page and let’s begin where it all started. After all, isn’t it hello that starts it all? The spark that lights the flame that either lights the world a blaze or allows it to dwindle into the darkness before one knows enough to stop it. So what better place to start than the beginning.
Whirlwind (Late May)
A warm wind whipped at our faces, tousling my long caramel colored locks, blowing them into the sunglasses that had been dropped over my glasses. My five foot three frame was tucked up in the hatch of my best friend’s Escalade, legs stretched out into the sunshine. Having only recently graduated with a Bachelor’s degree after a long eight years, it was nice to finally get to relax. So when Clara had called and told me to come spend the day with her and then take in a softball game and keep her company while her husband played, it seemed like the perfect idea.
The sound of her son laughing with his friends rang out, over the sound of softballs hitting bats and guys laughing. It was in that moment that I was taken somewhere else, somewhere back in time about twenty years to when a little girl had chased after her father. They were memories that rarely resurfaced and yet in this moment, I was glad for them.
“What has gotten into you?” Clara, my best friend of three years sat beside me, and over the years she had learned to read me better than even I read myself sometimes. She’d been there for me through thick and thin, through a couple of foolish relationships and stupid choices. Yet it seemed that despite everything, she was always going to be there for me, something that I could be thankful for.
“I don’t know. It’s really kind of an odd mood for me too. I’m not sure what started it or how to end it.” The truth was, I knew what had started it. The man she had refered to simple as Donovin. He was what had always been my type, tall, dark and tattooed. Yet this was a feeling that I was fighting with everything that I’d been feeling for so long.
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